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Jesse Ventura to Host Conspiracy Theory TV Show
By P.J. Gladnick (Bio | Archive)
September 30, 2008 - 16:00 ET
Good news for Alex Jones and his fellow 9/11 Truthers. They will finally have a television outlet in which to spew their absurd theories about how "9/11 was an inside job." The reason is that Jesse Ventura has been named as the host of a TruTV mystery show about conspiracy theories. Here is the report from the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star-Tribune announcing the show that is sure to light up the tinfoil hats of conspiracists in dark basements all across the land:
Jesse Ventura may or may not have a "judge" show in his future, but one thing's for sure: He's definitely going to be searching for justice.
The former governor will host a new program for TruTV (formerly Court TV) in which he'll travel the country, exploring modern-day conspiracies and getting input from believers and skeptics.
"I've been a mayor; I've been a governor. Now I get to be a detective and seek the truth," he said in a news release.
Filming starts in October and is being produced by A. Smith & Co., which is also responsible for "Hell's Kitchen" and "Trading Spaces." A premiere date has not been announced.
Ventura is also reportedly in talks to do a syndicated "Judge Judy"-type program.
Perhaps TruTV is operating under the theory that it takes one to know one concerning nutcase conspiracy theories starting with 9/11 being an inside job. And in the case of 9/11, Jesse sure is one...a truther that is of the Rosie O'Donnell school of metallurgical science. Just take a listen to the first part of the audio of this radio interview with him conducted, appropriately enough, by Alex Jones:
ALEX JONES: Governor Ventura, you've got the floor. Give us your take on 9/11.
JESSE VENTURA: Well first of all, Alex, let me state this, you know, being ex-military when the attack initially took place when I was governor. I went on a very focused tunnel vision mode that our country had been attacked and what the hell do we need to do to repel it. So I today kick myself because at that point in time I had a position of power and if I would have not been the way I was, the way all of us were so shocked when it happened that in that position of power I could have raised a lot of questions at that time about the things that went down that day and where today when I raise those questions naturally it doesn't quite have the impact that it would have had back then. But to me it's questions that are not being answered and haven't been answered about 9/11. And, you know, first and foremost I think is the fact that, okay, in New York City in Manhattan two planes struck two buildings. We'll all be in agreement on that, I think. But how is it that a third building fell five hours later? You know what they call World Trade Center Building Number 7. And for people that think, well, it was just a smaller building, it was 51 stories high. Which of course in Manhattan probably isn't that big of a building but if you were to move that building to Austin, Texas or Minneapolis, Minnesota it would be a huge building. How could this building just implode into its own footprint five hours later? That's my first question. The 9/11 Commission never even brought it up. They didn't devote even one page to that in their big volume of investigation. Number two, how could those buildings fall at the speed of gravity? You know, if you put a stop watch on them, both of those World Trade Center buildings were on the ground in 10 seconds. How can that be? If you took a billiard ball and dropped it from the height of the World Trade Center in a vacuum, it would hit the ground in 9.3 seconds. And if you took that same billiard ball and dropped it 10 stories at a time and merely stopped it and started it, it would take 30 seconds. If you dropped it every floor of the World Trade Center to the ground simply stopping and starting it on gravity, it would take over 100 seconds to reach the ground. And yet they're telling us that...I could go on now after studying it. The planes hit the building. Okay. Jet fuel is four-fifths kerosene which is not a hot burning fuel and they want us to believe that it melted these steel structured girders and caused these buildings to pancake collapse to the ground? I was on the site within two weeks after it happened and I saw none of these pancakes. Wouldn't they all be piled up in a huge mass on the ground? And yet everything was blown into dust. When you look at it from that aspect none of it makes any sense if you apply common sense again to it. It does not make any sense. Never before in the annals of history has a fire caused a steel structured building to fall to the ground.
As you can see, the 9/11 Truthers are going to have a field day on Ventura's new conspiracy TV show. Other prospective conspiracy theory show ideas:
Is Bigfoot an alien escapee from Roswell?
Protocols of the Elders of Zurich: The Swiss conspiracy to inundate our cheese with holes.
Bilderbergers or cheeseburgers? You decide.
Is the Abdominable Snowman a Freemason?
So break out your butterfly nets! Hop aboard your pogo sticks! The Jesse Ventura conspiracy show is coming to your TV screen soon. And to get ourselves into the proper mood, let us practice our whacko conspiracy chant:
9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!
9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!
9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!
—P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.